Is Your Definition of Love a
Mismatch with Your S.O.?

By: Helen M. Thamm, APRN, CPC

Even professional women can’t always translate some men’s way they might try to express love, so they feel they are truly loved.  It may seem funny to people, who may have been in a committed relationship like marriage for many years that they still might not receive a message of love the way it is being communicated by the lover.

Five different ways some men communicate they care.

  1. “Honey, I changed the oil in your car this morning” is an example of showing love by doing something the other feels is special or in this case is keeping his special lady safe.
  2. “I love you”, is what many women want to hear–often, not just on Valentine’s Day.
  3. Greets you with a hug, kiss and a look that says “I love you” is for women who like to be touched in a caring way.  Caution gentlemen:  please be sure to be gentle and that it does not mean you just want sex.
  4. Brings you flowers/candy or some other thoughtful gift he knows you like.  Giving gifts, again not just on holidays can reassure some women they are loved.
  5. Preplans a special getaway or just some time alone with his one and only, making sure there are no interruptions.  Some women find spending time with them really shows the relationship is important to their men.

What can go wrong do you think if a man’s way to show love is not the same way the woman wants to be reassured she is loved?  Bet you can guess she may feel he really doesn’t love her, at least not as much as she may love him.

How to bridge the love language gap!

It may sound simple, but actually asking a spouse/significant other how they would like you to show you love her is the best suggestion I have for men.  Since there are two people in the relationship, I also invite the woman to ask him how he prefers to be shown he is loved.  Some men might surprise you by asking you to cook his favorite meal on a holiday, or tell him you love him!  I believe as women we sometimes want a person who has committed to us to read our minds.  Ever have a friend tell you that her husband should know after five (or more) years what she wants to prove his continuing love? 

Clear communication how you want your significant other to show love can bridge the gap if his language of love is different from yours!  Remember also he might have the same challenge of expecting you to know what he needs, so ask him how you can let him know he is still your one and only!


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About the Author: Helen Thamm, APRN, CPC is a licensed nurse therapist. Author, Certified Professional Career and Wellness Specialist. She is the Co-Author of the bestseller “The Wellness Code” with Dr. John Ellis. Visit for a free copy of her ebook “How to Manage with a Magic Wand (No, Don’t Hit Your “Problem Employees” over the Head with it!)” and tips on career success and wellness issues.